It's always funny when my partner (who is white) and I hang out with his sister (also white) and her boyfriend. You see, my partner and I are the fairly-common white-guy/asian-girl combo. His sister and her boyfriend, however, are the less-common white-girl/asian-guy combo. People always assume that the siblings are a couple, and we asians are another. We get the most confused, dumb-founded looks when we all hangout together.
Jesse!
· 2 years ago
That's hilarious Bo!
I've been making a note of Asian dude/White girl couples around San Francisco and it's definitely something to note. Just saw one last night and in the biking community, I tend to see it a lot... not sure why...
Eugene
· 2 years ago
I really resisting commenting on this blog entry but I felt I had to lay down my two cents.
Not to be negative or anything, but I'm not sure why this particular "trend" is worth noting. You don't see many people noting the asian american girl / asian american guy combo. And yeah, I understand the complaints of asian american guys: "Why are there so many asian girls with white guys?" I don't know. Ask the asian girls.
Personally, I don't see why I need my awesomeness to be validated by the person I date. Shit, do we need to make a list of why Asian guys are awesome to know that we're awesome. It is like reading an insecure classified ad in the dating section. Maybe that is the stigma of Asian American man. Maybe it isn't our fault, but it is all those images in the media. But, yo, in the end, I'm awesome because of who I am. But that's my perspective.
darren
· 2 years ago
I always find posts like this kind of amusing since I am the son of a Japanese man and caucasian woman who have been married since 1962. I guess my parents were just way ahead of their time?
John
· 2 years ago
Having gone to business school in the Research Triangle Park (North Carolina), there are definitely not that many Asian Americans in the area - especially if you don't count undergraduate and graduate students attending the local university of Duke, UNC and NC State. So any Asian-White couple combination will be a lot different. For those Asian Americans who have never lived outside the West Coast or metro areas with a lot of Asians, I don't think you realize how much this stands out.
Hell, I remember working in Connecticut right out of college and when I first started, my co-workers were asking me where I was *really* from (no, where my parents were originally from - Taiwan).
Ben Hwang
· 2 years ago
The point of the post, like John said... was that... if you see this happening in the South? Wow. It's come a long ways then. The South picks up trends slowly. There's a running joke here about how we're like five years behind everyone else.
Either way, the point was that while it does stand out.... there are more and more actually coming around. And that's pretty damn cool when you think about the fact that no more than fifty years ago, this was tremendously rare, if at all.
Bible Belt wise, Asians are now being more and more integrated in... even through dating. And if that's not at least a little progressive, I don't know what it is. No longer are we the hardworking immigrants that keep to themselves and such. Now, some of those hardcore Southerners have to contend with us being in-laws and such. And that fact is pretty refreshing. It means that everywhere else, ya'll metro peeps probably see it a lot more.
Believe me. I grew up in the Seattle area. The South was a shock when I moved here, and RTP where John was, is actually a lot more progressive than where I am located currently.
Bertie
· 2 years ago
Having gone to business school in the Research Triangle Park (North Carolina), there are definitely not that many Asian Americans in the area - especially if you don’t count undergraduate and graduate students attending the local university of Duke, UNC and NC State. So any Asian-White couple combination will be a lot different. For those Asian Americans who have never lived outside the West Coast or metro areas with a lot of Asians, I don’t think you realize how much this stands out.
-----
You're joking right? I grew up in Chapel Hill, and interracial dating with respect to Asian Americans was pretty expected. Because there were so few Asian Americans, Asian Americans tended to date non-Asian Americans. And the RTP area is not the type of place where anyone would raise an eyebrow about interracial relationships.
The RTP area, especially Chapel Hill/Carrboro and Durham is the most progressive area in North Carolina (just look at a red/blue map by county). Jesse Helms once said that a fence should be built around Chapel Hill and that Chapel Hill should be turned into a zoo, if that tells you anything. And the RTP itself has the largest concentration of PhDs in the state.
The rest of the south I can't speak for, but Chapel Hill/Carrboro, Durham, Cary, Raleigh... those towns/cities are pretty open-minded and progressive. I will even make the bold (and accurate) statement that Carrboro is right around where Berkeley, CA is in terms of politics/views.
Ron
· 2 years ago
The guy in the picture scares me.
John
· 2 years ago
Bertie,
Yes, RTP is progressive. But if you don't count a lot of the transplants who go to college in RTP, I don't think that there are too many Asians. Maybe I am wrong - but that definitely was my feeling when I lived two brief years in Durham.
Ben Hwang
· 2 years ago
lol. I wouldn't go as far as to say Carrboro is as progressive as Berkeley. lol. And believe me... I know a lot of people from Carrboro. *laugh* I should ask Ruby if she agrees with that from Orange Politics. There are very progressive people such as her.... but we are still talking about the South.
RTP is still transplant central. Cary is a rich retirement community. heh. Unfortunately, RTP is sitll Southern and doesn't really represent the rest of NC. Seeing that 90% of NC is actually rural, and non-urban. lol. Only 10 counties of about 100 that are considered urban counties.
Bertie
· 2 years ago
Well I lived 15 years of my life in Chapel Hill/Carrboro, and I'm going to maintain that if Carrboro were somehow lifted from the earth and transported to Cambridge, MA or Berkeley, CA, it would fit in quite nicely.
Let's put it this way. When I grew up in the bubble that was Chapel Hill/Carrboro, the towns were so liberal (okay, possibly even leftist) that, I erroneously believed that I was a conservative. :) (Everything is relative.)
Ben Hwang
· 2 years ago
*laugh*
And Chapel Hill and Carrboro wouldn't be anything without UNC bringing those Asians in at some point. lol. It is very liberal though. I'd agree with that statement. But having been to both Cambridge, and Berkeley? *laugh* No way.
You try walking naked through Carrboro and see if you won't get arrested. lol. Heck, you would in Cambridge. hah.
Bertie
· 2 years ago
What was the original topic of this thread again? Ah, who cares. Carrboro represent! HOLLAAA!!!
(P.S. Every winter - midnight before exams - Harvard students run through the area of Cambridge around Harvard naked. It's called "Primal Scream." But I would agree with the statement that one would get arrested for walking around Cambridge naked any other time. And probably Carrboro too.)
Dragonstyle
· 1 year ago
that top 10 list is ok, but this one is way better
top 10 reasons NOT to date an asian guy:
10) An average guy is like, pg 13 material. Now asian guys, they are ATLEAST for adults 65 years old and up only. Viewer discretion is mandatory. 9) We too sexy. White girls can't handle us :P 8) My girlfriend and her hot sister is in the bath right now and my girl's like "hey Dragonstyle, I'm horny. come over here honey." I'm like, "not right now hon, I'm writing a top 10 list" 7) screw this i'm going to the threesome 6)
woot asians!
realist
· 1 year ago
When most Asian guys say that its hard dating white girls they mean that its hard dating white girls that are as PRETTY as the Asian girls they can get. Its not hard for Asian guys to date white girls but theres a standard. Why would an Asian guy date a normal white girl when they can date a much hotter Asian Girl.
I dont know why Asian guys can date beautiful Asian girls but have a harder time with really pretty white girls. Asian guys do have to work a bit harder with really pretty white girls. Maybe its the lack of representation in movies, magazines, music.. I dont know.
For white guys and black guys its completely opposite. I think that we can all agree that white and black guys find asian girls exotic and different. And to them dating something "different" or "exotic" is beautiful regardless of what she really looks like or what her personality is. Some of the asian girls they date even have a hard time speaking english. But again it goes back to dating something exotic and different so they dont mind the accent.
Most Asian guys wont date a white girl just to date one. If she is hot and the white girl is into him then yes they'll date. You probably wont see so many asian guys dating white girls as you see white/black guys dating asian girls but when you do see a white girl with an asian guy shes usually pretty good looking.
Mike
· 1 year ago
Realist,
You've got it right on. It's not about getting any white girl, it's about dating the hot ones.
I grew up in Florida where I always dated hot white girls (knew very few Asians and no other Asians in school). Then I went to college in the Northeast where I realized that getting a hot white girl to date you was really hard.
The point is there are a few white girls out there with an Asian fetish or are not as attractive...but who wants to date an anime freak or someone you don't find attractive. Personally, a white girl who is obsessed with Asian culture freaks me out.
On the flip side, it's much easier for me to date attractive Asian women. I'll admit that I've seen Asian guys who walk around like they've won something when they date a white girl--I'm only impressed if the girl is hot (Ben, I hope your gf has an amazing personality).
The Asian girl/white guy thing doesn't bother me that much. I think that most Asian guys wouldn't be bothered by it if the flip side was just as common. In fact, when I see an unattractive Asian girl with a good looking white guy I think "good for her and what is he thinking?" But it's not about race...it's about the fact that there is one more attractive girl out there that hasn't been taken. I don't blame the unattractive Asian girl if she dates a guy with an Asian fetish...I'm wondering where are all the attractive white girls with Asian fetishes looking to date ANY Asian guy.
I sincerely apologize for any crudeness in my post. I understand that there are statements that could be considered misogynistic but these statements only reflect initial criteria used in dating--attractiveness.
Art
· 1 year ago
As a Asian american guy married to a wf in the South I object to the idea that progressive (liberal)=open minded about race. Some of the most open minded non-racist people I know are conservatives.
cooper brown
· 1 year ago
I am half vietnamese and half caucasian, My girlfriend is white, Italian to be exact. I have an asian look to me but you can most definitely tell that im mixed. Well anyway, I live in the south, in louisiana, Where racism was practically born. I've never felt akward or like I didnt belong, everyone in her family loves me, lets me spend the night ( as long as i sleep on the sofa ) and they invite me to family functions and take me on vacations with them. The only time I ever feel weird is when we are in public and once in a blue moon an old man will stare at me or her or both of us, and its only old men who do this, its happened a few times. Everybody else down here is cool and acts like nothing is even going on lol. Anybody have any ideas on why this happens?
I may be a little late on this topic but just wanted to add my 2 cents.
I'm an american asian male and recently moved to the RTP area to go to school. I had dated some white girls before (I was born and raised in so cal), but it was mostly friends setting us up and the girls were decently attractive (but had a weird thing about liking asian boys). Since I've been in NC though I've actually been approached numerous times by very attractive white girls that bought ME drinks.
Interestingly enough, I think the same allure/fetish (whatever you wanna call it) that was present in cali exists over in NC (probably since there arent many asian guys and the ones here are mostly foreign exchange students or book worms).
All in all, I think people like things that are different.
AM/WF
· 9 months ago
HAHA awesome article ben.
the "ten reasons" link was funny too :)
Andy
· 8 months ago
Hehe, nice article.
Might be just me but I see AM/WF couples as much as I do AF/WM, I must be doing something wrong :P
& Cooper Brown - you make a nice couple.
S.O.
· 7 months ago
Realist and Mike, I totally disagree with you guys. It's so much easier for me to date white girls. I feel like there is almost no white girl out of my league, no matter how hot she is. White girls will respond to confidence, a good personality, good humor, and to a lesser extent good looks. I can walk up to the most beautiful white girl and she will at least give me a chance.
On the other hand, you have some Asian girls who will never date an Asian guy even if he has everything going for him. With them, I know I have no chance. Now this is not all Asian girls, but a pretty good portion of them.
That's all fine. None of this makes me mad. I actually prefer white girls so life is pretty good for me. For those Asian girls who only want a white guy, I hope they find the white man of their dreams and live happily ever after. To each his or her own. We all have preferences and you have to respect them. But reality is what it is. The only people who harbor the anti-Asian man bias is Asian women.
ming
· 7 months ago
I agree that everyone has their own preference, and you should go after whoever you're attracted to - be it white, black, Asian, Latino, etc.
You can say whatever you want about the negativity of social constructs that surround a white guy/asian girl couple. I've heard it all: racist media, white-patriarchal society, China-doll fetish, etc. But as a reformed, former-hater on white guy/asian girl couples, I can honestly say those negative sentiments are projections (in part, if not completely) of your own insecurities about your race. That's a belief I'm sticking to - you can read more about it here: http://howtobeaflyasian.com/2009/04/15/why-asia...
With that said - I also can't help but root for Asian guys dating white girls. In upstate NY, it was a rarity.
ifvybaby
· 4 months ago
the person I date. Shit, do we need to make a list of why Asian guys are awesome to know that we're awesome. It is like reading an insecure classified ad in the dating section. Maybe that is the stigma of Asian American man. Maybe it isn't our fault, but it is all those images in the media. But, yo, in the enI've been making a note of Asian dude/White girl couples around ifvy and it's definitely something to note. Just saw one last night and in the biking community, I tend to see it a lot... not sure why..d, I'm awesome because of who I
Christopher Jiang
· 4 months ago
well, if you're interesting about this topic, go to this website www.asiancaucasianturf.com, it is a site for amfw social networking, and you can see it is growing exponentially. here i can only speak for my self, i think the whole asian guys and white girls thing is catching up fast, fast then you can ever imagine and it is the hot topic of these days. in my school all the cute white girls wants a good looking asian dude. i like they got asian fever or something. well go to that site, the people there are really nice, and i'll see you there.
whitegirl123
· 2 months ago
I am a white girl from the south and my (extremely amazing) boyfriend is Chinese. I never even thought about how rare it is, but I recently started a blog which I hope other couples can relate to.
The AMWF in Japan is not so much a trend out here - it's because Mr Charisma Man isn't quite the hot catch.
Though dating in this country has been pretty difficult (in reference to realist post about asian guys having to work harder with white girls) and I've found myself working twice as hard with a new set of dating rules and the language barrier (my Japanese is still not amazing). Not to mention when I got dumped via text message because I was "too strong minded".
Thank goodness for my fella (Japanese Canadian) whom with, I know where I stand.
That's not saying I'm lazy in dating, but it's much less to think about in this relationship without it being work (but worth it) in itself already.
numnugget
· 6 days ago
the trend is certainly becoming more and more common, but I wonder if it is just kind of like the flavor of the week or will it persist. who knows :) I'm all for it. even started a website for it LOL
All Comments
I've been making a note of Asian dude/White girl couples around San Francisco and it's definitely something to note. Just saw one last night and in the biking community, I tend to see it a lot... not sure why...
Not to be negative or anything, but I'm not sure why this particular "trend" is worth noting. You don't see many people noting the asian american girl / asian american guy combo. And yeah, I understand the complaints of asian american guys: "Why are there so many asian girls with white guys?" I don't know. Ask the asian girls.
Personally, I don't see why I need my awesomeness to be validated by the person I date. Shit, do we need to make a list of why Asian guys are awesome to know that we're awesome. It is like reading an insecure classified ad in the dating section. Maybe that is the stigma of Asian American man. Maybe it isn't our fault, but it is all those images in the media. But, yo, in the end, I'm awesome because of who I am.
But that's my perspective.
Hell, I remember working in Connecticut right out of college and when I first started, my co-workers were asking me where I was *really* from (no, where my parents were originally from - Taiwan).
Either way, the point was that while it does stand out.... there are more and more actually coming around. And that's pretty damn cool when you think about the fact that no more than fifty years ago, this was tremendously rare, if at all.
Bible Belt wise, Asians are now being more and more integrated in... even through dating. And if that's not at least a little progressive, I don't know what it is. No longer are we the hardworking immigrants that keep to themselves and such. Now, some of those hardcore Southerners have to contend with us being in-laws and such. And that fact is pretty refreshing. It means that everywhere else, ya'll metro peeps probably see it a lot more.
Believe me. I grew up in the Seattle area. The South was a shock when I moved here, and RTP where John was, is actually a lot more progressive than where I am located currently.
-----
You're joking right? I grew up in Chapel Hill, and interracial dating with respect to Asian Americans was pretty expected. Because there were so few Asian Americans, Asian Americans tended to date non-Asian Americans. And the RTP area is not the type of place where anyone would raise an eyebrow about interracial relationships.
The RTP area, especially Chapel Hill/Carrboro and Durham is the most progressive area in North Carolina (just look at a red/blue map by county). Jesse Helms once said that a fence should be built around Chapel Hill and that Chapel Hill should be turned into a zoo, if that tells you anything. And the RTP itself has the largest concentration of PhDs in the state.
The rest of the south I can't speak for, but Chapel Hill/Carrboro, Durham, Cary, Raleigh... those towns/cities are pretty open-minded and progressive. I will even make the bold (and accurate) statement that Carrboro is right around where Berkeley, CA is in terms of politics/views.
Yes, RTP is progressive. But if you don't count a lot of the transplants who go to college in RTP, I don't think that there are too many Asians. Maybe I am wrong - but that definitely was my feeling when I lived two brief years in Durham.
RTP is still transplant central. Cary is a rich retirement community. heh. Unfortunately, RTP is sitll Southern and doesn't really represent the rest of NC. Seeing that 90% of NC is actually rural, and non-urban. lol. Only 10 counties of about 100 that are considered urban counties.
http://impeachpac.org/carrboro
http://www.nbc17.com/midatlantic/ncn/news.apx.-...
http://www.carrboro.com/outandelected/
http://www.city-data.com/forum/raleigh-durham-c...
http://skreened.com/bluetowns/rxfokavsokqfzcddscxb
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carrboro
Let's put it this way. When I grew up in the bubble that was Chapel Hill/Carrboro, the towns were so liberal (okay, possibly even leftist) that, I erroneously believed that I was a conservative. :) (Everything is relative.)
And Chapel Hill and Carrboro wouldn't be anything without UNC bringing those Asians in at some point. lol. It is very liberal though. I'd agree with that statement. But having been to both Cambridge, and Berkeley? *laugh* No way.
You try walking naked through Carrboro and see if you won't get arrested. lol. Heck, you would in Cambridge. hah.
(P.S. Every winter - midnight before exams - Harvard students run through the area of Cambridge around Harvard naked. It's called "Primal Scream." But I would agree with the statement that one would get arrested for walking around Cambridge naked any other time. And probably Carrboro too.)
top 10 reasons NOT to date an asian guy:
10) An average guy is like, pg 13 material. Now asian guys, they are ATLEAST for adults 65 years old and up only. Viewer discretion is mandatory.
9) We too sexy. White girls can't handle us :P
8) My girlfriend and her hot sister is in the bath right now and my girl's like "hey Dragonstyle, I'm horny. come over here honey."
I'm like, "not right now hon, I'm writing a top 10 list"
7) screw this i'm going to the threesome
6)
woot asians!
I dont know why Asian guys can date beautiful Asian girls but have a harder time with really pretty white girls. Asian guys do have to work a bit harder with really pretty white girls. Maybe its the lack of representation in movies, magazines, music.. I dont know.
For white guys and black guys its completely opposite. I think that we can all agree that white and black guys find asian girls exotic and different. And to them dating something "different" or "exotic" is beautiful regardless of what she really looks like or what her personality is. Some of the asian girls they date even have a hard time speaking english. But again it goes back to dating something exotic and different so they dont mind the accent.
Most Asian guys wont date a white girl just to date one. If she is hot and the white girl is into him then yes they'll date. You probably wont see so many asian guys dating white girls as you see white/black guys dating asian girls but when you do see a white girl with an asian guy shes usually pretty good looking.
You've got it right on. It's not about getting any white girl, it's about dating the hot ones.
I grew up in Florida where I always dated hot white girls (knew very few Asians and no other Asians in school). Then I went to college in the Northeast where I realized that getting a hot white girl to date you was really hard.
The point is there are a few white girls out there with an Asian fetish or are not as attractive...but who wants to date an anime freak or someone you don't find attractive. Personally, a white girl who is obsessed with Asian culture freaks me out.
On the flip side, it's much easier for me to date attractive Asian women. I'll admit that I've seen Asian guys who walk around like they've won something when they date a white girl--I'm only impressed if the girl is hot (Ben, I hope your gf has an amazing personality).
The Asian girl/white guy thing doesn't bother me that much. I think that most Asian guys wouldn't be bothered by it if the flip side was just as common. In fact, when I see an unattractive Asian girl with a good looking white guy I think "good for her and what is he thinking?" But it's not about race...it's about the fact that there is one more attractive girl out there that hasn't been taken. I don't blame the unattractive Asian girl if she dates a guy with an Asian fetish...I'm wondering where are all the attractive white girls with Asian fetishes looking to date ANY Asian guy.
I sincerely apologize for any crudeness in my post. I understand that there are statements that could be considered misogynistic but these statements only reflect initial criteria used in dating--attractiveness.
pics of her
http://a144.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/7...
http://a815.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/1...
Me
http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL80/6223239/121...
http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL80/6223239/157...
US
http://a148.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/3...
I'm an american asian male and recently moved to the RTP area to go to school. I had dated some white girls before (I was born and raised in so cal), but it was mostly friends setting us up and the girls were decently attractive (but had a weird thing about liking asian boys). Since I've been in NC though I've actually been approached numerous times by very attractive white girls that bought ME drinks.
Interestingly enough, I think the same allure/fetish (whatever you wanna call it) that was present in cali exists over in NC (probably since there arent many asian guys and the ones here are mostly foreign exchange students or book worms).
All in all, I think people like things that are different.
the "ten reasons" link was funny too :)
Might be just me but I see AM/WF couples as much as I do AF/WM, I must be doing something wrong :P
& Cooper Brown - you make a nice couple.
On the other hand, you have some Asian girls who will never date an Asian guy even if he has everything going for him. With them, I know I have no chance. Now this is not all Asian girls, but a pretty good portion of them.
That's all fine. None of this makes me mad. I actually prefer white girls so life is pretty good for me. For those Asian girls who only want a white guy, I hope they find the white man of their dreams and live happily ever after. To each his or her own. We all have preferences and you have to respect them. But reality is what it is. The only people who harbor the anti-Asian man bias is Asian women.
You can say whatever you want about the negativity of social constructs that surround a white guy/asian girl couple. I've heard it all: racist media, white-patriarchal society, China-doll fetish, etc. But as a reformed, former-hater on white guy/asian girl couples, I can honestly say those negative sentiments are projections (in part, if not completely) of your own insecurities about your race. That's a belief I'm sticking to - you can read more about it here: http://howtobeaflyasian.com/2009/04/15/why-asia...
With that said - I also can't help but root for Asian guys dating white girls. In upstate NY, it was a rarity.
www.whitegirlchineseguy.blogspot.com
Though dating in this country has been pretty difficult (in reference to realist post about asian guys having to work harder with white girls) and I've found myself working twice as hard with a new set of dating rules and the language barrier (my Japanese is still not amazing). Not to mention when I got dumped via text message because I was "too strong minded".
Thank goodness for my fella (Japanese Canadian) whom with, I know where I stand.
That's not saying I'm lazy in dating, but it's much less to think about in this relationship without it being work (but worth it) in itself already.
http://www.projectrevelasian.com