Obviously inter-racial couples stand out more. A friend of mine, whom I assumed only wound up going out with white guys, said she always wanted to *marry* an Asian, and she did. A wedding I attended over the weekend, my friend dated white guys but wanted and did marry a Korean-American (she's Korean).
I'd say I know more Asian women dating or married to white men, than vice versa. But that is a small sample. I think generally, most (i.e. more than 50%) Asian woman wind up marrying Asian guys.
Xxxtine
· 2 years ago
I'm my general vicinity, about 70% are in interracial marriages/ relationships.
I was talking to a friend about it a couple of weeks ago who is currently in a long-term relationship with a really sweet white guy. She said that where she grew up there weren't very many Asian guys around her and the ones that were, were 'mama's boys' - meaning that her decision to not go out with them, was because dealing with their mothers would be a nightmare.
In all honesty, and from the clip - I don't think the girls are actually GOING after anything. I mean, the typical girl (regardless of ethnicity) actually waits for the guy to ask her out.
C
· 2 years ago
As an Asian girl who is with a white guy, I can say for myself that I "went" for him because he made me spit up my drink he was so funny. The funny always gets the girl in my opinion. Eh, but otherwise, I admit that I had a hang up dating Asian guys, and not for the reasons you might assume.
I grew up not knowing my half siblings and my aunts would constantly tease me about "what if you grow up and fall in love with your own brother!" That will mind fuck anyone of any race if you ask me. So, yes it is really messed up, but also just a reminder not to assume that everyone in an interracial relationship is in one for the same reason (I most often hear fetish for the guy, self-loathing for the girl). Sometimes it's just a personal circumstance like, I associate that person with incest (again, can I stress how my aunts did damage?) so not so much attracted to that. Sometimes its just the funny. For me one led me to the other and I am confident in that. Then again, I live in SoCal where it's no big deal.
Akrypti
· 2 years ago
I listed off the top of my head all my Asian American female friends who are currently married or in a heterosexual relationship and separated them into three categories: Asian female with White male, Asian female with non-Asian, non-White male or Asian female with Asian male.
Results?
70% of my Asian American female friends are dating White guys. Not even just "non-Asian" generally, but "White."
70%. That's insane.
jozjozjoz
· 2 years ago
Ok. Am I the only one disturbed by the dude fondling himself while speaking to the camera?
Xxxtine
· 2 years ago
Joz ... I noticed it too and you're not alone ... I actually had to look away.
brian
· 2 years ago
There's a complementary expression that goes with "Asian girls tend to date white guys" that is slightly less known, though rather poignant. My (Asian) friend always brings this up: "Have you seen the Asian girls that date white guys? We're really not losing anything special here..."
claire
· 2 years ago
Ah Brian, indeed, that is some poignant misogyny.
Akrypti
· 2 years ago
HAHAHAHAHAHA. Claire, we agree again!! This is fantabulous!!
Mike
· 2 years ago
I once dated a girl who, before me, had only dated white guys. I think her boyfriend after me was Asian too, so I like to think I "converted" her. Heh.
Although honestly, I think Xxxtine hit it on the nose when she said:
"In all honesty, and from the clip - I don’t think the girls are actually GOING after anything. I mean, the typical girl (regardless of ethnicity) actually waits for the guy to ask her out."
Too true. I suspect this phenomenon of Asian girls with white guys has more to do with societal behaviors than ethnicity & race. Meaning: Guys who are more assertive and actually ask girls out are the ones who typically end up dating them.
And I think (someone jump in and correct me if I'm wrong) that the US culture tends to value assertiveness (some may argue aggressiveness) moreso than traditional Asian cultures, within the realms of dating, relatively-speaking. This may have to do with Asian cultures having societal norms such as arranged marriages only a century ago. (My grandparents were in an arranged marriage, for instance).
Hmm. One could do a whole research paper on this assertion. Or I could be totally off my rocker. What do you think?
paul
· 2 years ago
Don't get me wrong but there nothing more beautiful than a woman no matter what her ethnicity is. I've dated woman of color when I was young and all we thought of was each other and the hell with society. My wife has been gone for 13 yrs. she was white , I'm white but if I'm lucky to find another love I won't care what her ethnicity is. We all want the same qualities in our love one ,strong, knowlegeable, kind, sweet,pretty in her own ways. And if she can find it in heart to love me the way I'll love her than that will bring joy to both and isn"t that what were all looking for. Sometimes it"s best that we stick with our own kind "what ever that is"but we must stay true to our hearts .Thanks from and old guy. I do like 8asians .com
Duy-Tan
· 2 years ago
HAHAHA
yoko
· 2 years ago
I am Japanese-American, happily married to a white man. I have to agree with the previous statement that the majority of the time when I was dating, I wasn't looking for a particular race of guys-- I just wanted to meet a guy who was fun to hang out with and good to talk to. I've dated other races besides white, too.
Where I grew up, went to college, and lived afterwards (East Coast throughout), there weren't many Asians, period. It was only within the last couple of years before I got married that I thought it might be good to date guys who were Japanese-American, but within the Asian population of where I live, there are not many available guys of that culture at all, and I was not willing to move to find them.
It's always been a good experience for me to meet Japanese-Americans who come from a background similar to mine-- the shared understanding creates some camaraderie. But despite our cultural differences, my husband and I have a lot of things in common, and those differences serve to be good points to learn more about each other and our families.
Bertie
· 2 years ago
(1) there are more white guys than asian guys in the united states. (2) generation y, by and large, doesn't care about race.
so statistically, any girl is just more likely to bump into a white guy. and before anyone says that this doesn't apply for white girls / minority guys, go to the south or the midwest.
Elaine
· 2 years ago
Why would an asian girl like a white guy?... for the same reason any girl would like any other guy -- she finds that guy physically attractive/intelligent/ or she just likes being with him. i don't think it necessarily has to do with "race" in every case.
Why do we see so many asian girl/white guy couples? first, our social circles inevitably are racially diverse. More white guys take the chance to ask out asian girls. some asian girls accept them, other asian girls reject them. that same asian girl in an interracial relationship may or may not have dated an asian guy if an asian guy took the chance to ask her out before the white guy did.
It's fate/chance/ or whatever you want to call it.
d-diddy
· 2 years ago
What are various names for white guys that love asian girls? There's got to be a list or what!?!?!?!?
tipany
· 2 years ago
Because hybrid kids are cuter?
Kevin
· 2 years ago
^Wow, that's racial self loathing if I ever heard it. It's like saying we should only have pretty couples have children because they'll always end up being pretty. Let's restart the Nazi regime's eugenics program please. What an idiot.
While race might not have everything to do with it, to believe it doesn't factor into the situation is shortsighted. And what is with this excuse that "where I lived, there were no Asian guys?" Are Asian parents who have daughters saying to themselves "Hey, we just had an Asian daughter, let's move to an all-white area so we can subtly affect her dating choices!"
The fact of the matter of why this coupling exists is because Asian women don't need Asian men because white men are more than happy to date them. Black and Latin women are less appealing due to racism and colorism. If white men ever lose interest, you'd see Asian women flock back to Asian men screaming "Yay! We always had your back! Go Asian men!"
This is not even mentioning Asian women with "white fetish" or Asian women that just want to get their screw on with a white guy and "use" Asian men when they want to marry or have a family. It's sick and it should be insulting to every Asian man out there.
Don't even get me stated on the stupid liberial phrase "colorblind."
Rob
· 2 years ago
Very easy to explain.
1.) White men are more than willing to date Asian women. Many havef fetishes. Yes, shut the hell up. You know there are many of them out there. I don't want to hear all this crap of "Oh, don't stereotype."
2.) More white men than Asian men which means laws of numbers apply.
3.) Asian women don't have a preference for Asian men over white men. This is the only demographic recorded in a survey recently given by Columbia University. Other women, including white women, stated they wouldn't rule out interracial dating and marriage but preferred their own first.
The only question is: Why don't Asian women have a preference for their own? This might contribute to the reason why Asian women are frequently called "sellouts." Could this no-preference be the reason?
yoko
· 2 years ago
"Are Asian parents who have daughters saying to themselves “Hey, we just had an Asian daughter, let’s move to an all-white area so we can subtly affect her dating choices!”"
Actually my parents did take that into consideration. My parents ended up telling me that they resigned themselves to the fact that in all likelihood, I wouldn't be marrying a Japanese guy because there weren't any in the area where I lived, and that they would be fine with that. However, they wanted me to *only* date white men, and no Blacks, Chinese, Vietnamese.... True story.
Did my parents' wishes affect my dating patterns? Not really. It wasn't like race was a deciding factor on whom to date. Ultimately, and I'll say this again, it's the individual traits-- is the guy friendly and considerate? Is he nice to talk to? Do we share common interests and philosophies?-- that I had looked for.
Moon
· 2 years ago
Allow me to chime in...
According to Darrell Hamamoto, professor of Asian American studies at UC Davis, says it best: “When you have Asian American women [who are] ignorant of that history and that the desire from these people goes back to the colonization of Asian countries, the media portrayal of Asian women, and Asian American women being socialized into the white supremacist world of media, it makes perfect sense. Underlying it all is a form of racist love, not an equality. These Asian American women get hit on or propositioned by white men, but they don’t realize what lies beneath; that they’re coming onto you as a prostitute or massage woman, because that’s what they see, first and foremost, regardless of educational level. Conversely, an Asian American woman in white supremacist America will value anything white. I won’t say it’s instinctual, but almost at the preconscious level."
In United States media, Asian men are stereotyped as nerdy, weak, asexual or just martial arts master. And, Asian women are stereotyped as submissive, dragon lady, sex china doll. You can see all the time in Hollywood movies of White men/Asian women couples, however, rarely you see Asian men/White women couples.
Moon
· 2 years ago
It is easy for white people to say, "Interracial dating is wonderful! And anybody that doesn't think so is racist!" Frankly, I think that it is difficult for any white person to get away with saying anything else.
But interracial dating affects different groups differently. It represents greater opportunity for some people, while representing a threat to others (black women, Asian men). Asian women and white men are probably annoyed with whatever flack they get regarding their relationships, but I think that it is unreasonable for anybody to expect Asian men to be totally comfortable with the gender imbalance of interracial dating/marriage and with Asian women that consciously reject Asian men on the grounds of their race. In fact, I suspect that this group was created in part to provoke Asian men.
A lot of Asian women only want white men, and a lot of white men only want Asian women. I am not saying that when these people form a couple, they cannot be in love, but they are really close minded for thinking so little of Asian men. (I suppose white women might also feel put off, but there are a lot more of them so they can absorb the blow. And they probably can get Asian boyfriends but choose not to.)
NOT EVERY interracial relationship is based on racial privilege or closed-mindedness, but many are. It is like a company that only hires white people. The white employees probably are qualified and very good at their jobs. But the problem is that the company is racist for not considering minorities. Things might be great for the company (or couple), but they are really unfair to the people that they categorically reject. And if you are apathetic about the feelings of men that are rejected, they are not the only people affected.
I suspect that a lot of white men get a kick out of thinking that Asian men are angry that even Asian women think that white men are superior. Unfortunately, many Asian women are willing to add insult to injury by agreeing. And anybody that is offended by it is called "racist." It's clear to me a lot of interracial relationships these days are based with a shared degrading of Asian males. Whites get a kick out of thinking they're better than Asian males, and Asian women seem willing to say anything, including demean Asian men, in order to fuel the ego of their White trophy. IR relationships are okay, but not when they are based out of self hate, inferiority complex, and White worship (and conversely Asian fetish).
joe
· 2 years ago
I understand how chic it is these days to be "colorblind," but it's inherently stupid because it only works on paper.
Recently, my cousin told me a story where he was taking part in a sociology experiment at Princeton University which helped explain why people who claim colorblindness are, in fact, naive. On the desks in a 400 seat auditorium, the professor left wooden blocks that differed in size, color, shape, and texture. The room was empty when the students walked in with only a message left on the board.
"Group yourselves together using the blocks. I'll be in shortly."
After a chaotic 20 minutes, the professor walked in and noticed that each student picked up their blocks. Not surprised, the professor noticed that all the students grouped up based on the color of the blocks without being told how they should be grouped. He has repeated this experiment for the past 18 semesters and every single time, the students grouped themselves up by color.
I understand this pie-in-the-sky dream of being completely colorblind but it's a fool's errand to believe everyone will play by the same rules. It's not practiced in daily life; especially it's most vocal proponents, whites, especially white men. The only reason non-Asian men aren't complaining is because the same situation isn't happening to them. What would happen if every other white woman was with a minority? Or every black woman was with a white man? I can pretty much guarantee black and white men would be burning cities down. Learn to see things from a different perspective.
Additionally, there is the issue that Asian men, who are already emasculated in North American society, are even further emasculated by Asian women dating out because it pushes the image that Asian men just can't compare to white men. Had Asian men been portrayed as fairly as the next man and weren’t severely emasculated in popular culture, you wouldn’t hear many complaints.
In contrast, the same situation wouldn't happen to black men if black women dated outside their race because black men aren't emasculated in North American society.
Not everything is comparable and there are gray zones and unique situations.
In conclusion, it sounds good to be colorblind, gender blind, and religion blind. However, there is a word in there that is troublesome; the word is "blind." It means you can't see. I'd rather see everything and make my judgments based on all available information.
Colorblindness also prohibits one from understanding the problems that stem from race and I hate solutions to complex problems. The only people that preach colorblindness are whites and ignorant or whitewashed minorities.
Due to the social combinations of 1.) the emasculated Asian male and 2.) the huge outmarriage and outdating of Asian women, it is impossible for Asian women to stand up for Asian while dating white men. Absolutely impossible. The unique combination dictates this.
If #1 or #2 didn't exist, the situation wouldn't be a concern at all but since *both* exist, it's impossible for Asian women to stand up for Asian men while dating Asian men. As much as people wish to hide behind political correctness, it's the truth and the truth hurts. The Asian American community has been torn by this issue for the longest time and whatever the hell it's doing isn't working.
How about some fresh tactics or would we like to keep ramming our heads into a wall? I used to believe Asian Americans were generally smart and tight knit as a community but I've come to the conclusion that we're even more idiotic and divided than other communities.
joe
· 2 years ago
Typo. It should read:
If #1 or #2 didn’t exist, the situation wouldn’t be a concern at all but since *both* exist, it’s impossible for Asian women to stand up for Asian men while dating WHITE men. As much as people wish to hide behind political correctness, it’s the truth and the truth hurts. The Asian American community has been torn by this issue for the longest time and whatever the hell it’s doing isn’t working.
Moon
· 2 years ago
Asians have the most high case of inferiority complex.
- Some Asians are too embarrassed to be in crowd with Asians, saying "too much Asians".
- Why are there Ads and commercials featuring White models in Asian countries? While you never see Asian male model in any ads and commercials in U.S.
- Why is anime or cartoon characters heroes are almost always White individual?
- Why is it that Asian women ,among other races such as Latinos, Indians, Blacks, are most likely to marry outside their own race?
Some excerpts from the blog: --------- "In order to receive as many replies as the average white man, a hispanic man would need $77,000 more income per year, a black man $154,000, and an asian man would need $247,000 to be on a par with the average white man." ... "White men did also tend to be at a disadvantage for dating minority women. A white man needed to make $220,000 more per year to be on a par with black men in dating black women, and $59,000 more per year to be on a par with hispanic men in dating hispanic women. When it came to asian women though, they needed $-24,000 to be on a par with asian men." ----------
What I also found noteworthy were the statistics on the percentages of each ethnicity that chose "same" as their preference for ethnicity, as opposed to "no preference". Over 75% of all Asians and Hispanics, male and female, stated that they had no preference for any ethnicity. The same applies to white and black males. The only exceptions were black females, who were just slightly under 75% for "no preference", and white females, 50% of whom stated that they preferred white men.
How messed up is this...?
Confuse_Us
· 2 years ago
I've noticed a couple of posts speaking of this subject as an "issue", although the issue seems to be such a convoluted mish-mash of varying resentments and frustrations from both sides of the fence that it defies meaningful definition. Whilst I agree that society tries to emasculate Asian men, it's up to Asian men to choose how they feel about their own masculinity. I think that I may have written another post on this subject somewhere else on this site, but I think that there can be some ugly consequences to being so blase about inter-racial unions. For instance, would a white male paedophile view the video above and use it to justify his trips to SE Asia to visit child prostitutes on the basis that Asian girls "go for white guys"? Where's the consciousness of the girls being interviewed? Where's the consciousness of the guys who have reacted with bruised ego vitriol? Aren't there more serious issues facing East Asian peoples - the forementioned child prostitution epidemic in SE Asia, racial bullying of our children in our schools, increased hostility to Asians in the media, increases in racial attacks on Asians, etc, etc. It's nice that some Asians have the privelege of sitting around talking about hook-ups, and others are able re-coup their lost masculinity through internet ranting, but please WAKE-UP - there's alot of real suffering going on out there.
This is not the case in Toronto. At least half of all my male asian friends have white girlfriends. One of my female asian friends is dating a white guy. The rest of my asian female friends are either single or dating asian guys.
Perhaps this has more to do with American society/culture then simply race.
49% of Torontonians were born outside Toronto. The second most spoken language in Toronto is Cantonese next to English.
Just as a note, many asian people here adopt alot of Japanese street fashions. An asian girl into the VK J-rock look usually tends to be more attracted to a guy who can pull of this look, which is usually an asian guy. Also, one of my friends is asian and does adopt that fashion style, he's dating a white girl.
Oh and btw I am white if its relevent at all.
I'm single and I like girls in general.
Hip Hop
· 2 years ago
Hello everyone, I just finished reading everyone's comments, and the way I see it...most of the interracial couples I see around my area are young couples. Generally speaking, interracial marriages don't last forever, and after the asian girl gets hurt by the white guy, most come to their senses and comes back to asian society like they should. Of course some may be stupid enough to continue dating white guys and get hurt over and over again....and then finally come to their senses, but that's the conclusion....after getting hurt one two three...etc times most girls finally learn their lessons.
Ben Hwang
· 2 years ago
While it's on a case-by-case scenario, I think that asian males in a white dominated culture will suffer from stereotype just as model minority his asians in general. Does it effect dating lives? Probably. As an asian male that's dated only white girls (not my choice either at the beginning)... and from a very populated area of Seattle with many asians... it's really just the cliques you hang out with.
I happened to not be seeking the same, and the asian girls were about different things than I was. They were not as down-to-earth as the white girls. Not like I didn't try to date them either. They just didn't want anything to do with you since 1) popular people in school weren't asian and 2) jock squad wasn't asian.
This doesn't mean that there were not asian couples, but truthfully.... I really didn't want to spend the rest of my life paying for some asian girl's bag fetish (I knew of some girls in college that spent more in shopping than my starting salary back in the day).
Is that wrong of me? Not really. Is it unique? Sure. But I've written about it before and there have been asian guys that feel the same way. Thus, there has to be some truth in the matter.
And just fyi... I'm not short. lol. Taller than most guys in fact. It just depends on situation when it comes to what you want out of a relationship, and how many asian women react to those wants. Akrypti can attest that I'm not that bad of a guy. lol.
Bertie
· 2 years ago
people are still commenting on this thread?
*sigh*
that's the downside of google reader i guess. it just won't let things scroll off...
Mike
· 2 years ago
@Bertie - Hehehe. Why, that's also the power of blogs & the Web - discussions can last forever, especially if there are people still interested in the topic.
Some of the more recent comments, I suspect, are coming from people who didn't see this entry when it was first published, and are coming here via search engines and other blogs. So to a great deal of people, this entry is new to them.
And, as we all know, dating & relationships is -always- a favorite topic. heheh. ;-)
Ernie
· 2 years ago
@Bertie - I will confirm that this post is the second most popular post that visitors come here via a search engine.
The #1 post is a blog entry where Min Jung blogged about a hentai video game torrent. Hilarity ensues.
Dillon
· 2 years ago
I'm a white guy with a korean gf (the only asian girl I've ever dated, and one of the few I've ever been attracted to) and I hate white guys with asian fetishes. They make the few of us who are in it for love look like perverted jackasses. I don't blame asian guys for hating them too. If an asian guy loves a white girl, I think that's great for them, but I'd be pissed too if they just wanted them because of some commercialized fetish.
Dillon
· 2 years ago
Also I've never understood why asian guys are stereotyped as nerds. The few of them in my school are pretty athletic, don't act like geeks, and are pretty cool to hang out with...
An Actual Asian
· 2 years ago
Tht’s bcs sn mrcn wmn r whrs nd dld thmslvs nt thnkng tht thy cn ssmlt nt mrcn scty by sllng thmslvs t wht mn. Whn n rlty, mrcns vw sn mrcn wmn s sx bjcts nd slvs, nd nt s qls. Why dn’t sn mrcns wk th fck p nd rlz tht n mttr hw mch thy prtnd t b wht thy’ll nvr b mrcn.
Dillon
· 2 years ago
Actually if they're Asian American they're already American. ;-)
gin&tonic
· 2 years ago
I'm intrigued by this.
I'm 'East Asian' British (here 'Asian' refers to those from Indian, Pakistan, Bangladesh and others within that region). My other half is 'white' Dutch (we say 'white' and hardly ever 'Caucasian'). I was attracted to him because of his European accent and outlook (note: it's very different from the 'average' white 'British' man's). I would go as far as to say, I could count on my fingers on one hand the no. of white British men I've fancied, and on the other hand the no. of East Asian men (be they British in nationality of not). Have I got a 'fetish'? Hell yes, having done a lot of travelling by myself, when I met my OH at the grand age of already 30, his accent stood out apart from his looks, but best of all his outlook. I'm not the easiest person to get on with (regardless of the individual partner's race), so I was as 'anally retentive' at fixing my personal life as I was with my work and social life, and it's paid off. He'd had similar life experiences (due to a combo of things from education, travelling, sports, habits, and partly, family socio-economics).
My brother, on the other hand, was 'tenaciously' set on finding that (East) Asian bride. And he did, in Hong Kong. I cannot explain why he has more specific preference than I did when looking for a partner and he pointed out that I was a lot pickier than he was (in terms of personal qualities - because, as I said, I'm not an easy person to be with), but he was simply specific about the 'race' of his choice. And he had no reasons for it, because our parents didn't put more pressure on him to 'get the (E)Asian girl' which is actually not uncommon in this country and can explain a little of the gender imbalance in 'dating out' among Asians (it's more important for sons to 'marry in' - anything to do with sons 'passing on the family name'?????).
I don't contest that all of our ('Asian') culture, subjective 'looks' preference (face it, who don't care what their potential other-half may look like?), money (yes it does matter to varying extents for many people, whether or not they know it) and even those 'fetishes' (perpetrated by certain individuals on both sides) could play a part in some romances. But the effects may well be on a very unconscious level (e.g., my brother just couldn't explain why he had to have an Asian OH even without at least overt family pressures). If a couple's relationship would be based on less-than-genuine reasons, it should work for as long as the relationship serves its purposes for both parties but then it could still work for a long time! Why? Because ours isn't a simplistic world, where everybody will only be satisfied by 'true love' (some can settle for less), or 'simply' satisfied by it that absolutely nothing else about their partner (like income, looks) matters.
It's hard enough to find and stay with someone who's compatible with you. If I had to look out for something like 'race' and be mindful about what people might think of me for what glimpses they can catch of my personal life, that's no way to live.
a military woman
· 2 years ago
No matter what color we are, we are still humen! Am I right? A lot of people really like to make a big deal out of this!!! I and my husband are both in the military, there are a lot of interracial relationships out here...however, when i and my husband go out, there are a lot of people stare at us...descriminate us...This is America!!! We all have different color!!! We have freedom in this country!!! marry whoever you one!!! This is not a sin!!!
Dillon
· 2 years ago
Totally agreed. We're all the same albeit a tiny difference in facial structure or melanin. If someone thinks that it makes a woman of any race a "delusional whore" just because they can see past physical differences, then they have some serious problems that they need to fix. :-) However, if somebody just kindly disagrees with it I don't see a problem with it. People are entitled to their own opinion, but it's ignorant to consider the women whores or sluts, and, in my opinion, if that's what a guy considers them then he wouldn't be a good choice for her anyways.
Oyin
· 2 years ago
I've noiticed that a lot of your post are about Asian women white men interracial dating. I can somwhat comprehend why this is important to you. but i feel this is a bit excessive. It seems to me that you just want to date a white girl but is getting no luck. I adise you follow your own adivce. BTW good luck with trying to get a white girl.
akrypti
· 2 years ago
My dear Oyin: It is with heavy heart that I must inform you of Mike Lee's sexual prowess at bedding any woman, white, Asian, whatever would be his selection du jour. As you may have gathered yourself, many of these other Asian men who have made their mark through comments here are the ones bitter about not bedding ANY woman. The benevolent Mike comes only to serve them, guide them, mentor them.
I can somewhat comprehend why you would think he has difficulty dating women. It seems to me that you just want to date them yourself but have no luck in it whatsoever. Take heart, though, dear Oyin. Mouth shut, eyes open, and learn from Master Lee.
k-fighter
· 2 years ago
"#
Hip Hop wrote:
Hello everyone, I just finished reading everyone’s comments, and the way I see it…most of the interracial couples I see around my area are young couples. Generally speaking, interracial marriages don’t last forever, and after the asian girl gets hurt by the white guy, most come to their senses and comes back to asian society like they should. Of course some may be stupid enough to continue dating white guys and get hurt over and over again….and then finally come to their senses, but that’s the conclusion….after getting hurt one two three…etc times most girls finally learn their lessons.
Posted on 31-Oct-07 at 12:41 pm | Permalink "
The thing is, most asian guys don't like sloppy seconds.
Ron
· 2 years ago
My comment is direct at the second post in this thread by John.
My dear man, you make it sound so good to be used. At least, it sure seems that way. Let me get this straight, you're willing to accept the fact that Asian women are merely just screwing around with white men and then, when it's time to settle down and start a family, they'll come back to the Asian side? You know, when Asian men have spent the majority of their time in school and building careers for themselves?
Frankly, I find that more insulting that Asian women that refuse to date Asian men in the first place.
The Asian man, always a sucker. Always will be.
Ron
· 2 years ago
I also can't believe that a 50% marriage rate to Asian men is something to be proud of. To be frank, I do think that Asian men are handling it quite well compared to other groups.
Black women are already freaking out that 9% of all black men are married to white women. Can you imagine what would happen if 50% of all black men were married to white women? We'd have mass rioting and shootings in the streets.
Or, on the flip side, if 50% of Asian men were married to white women, do you really think that white men and Asian women would be as sedated as they claim? See, it's not the excuses that bother me; it's the arrogance of Asian women when talking about this subject.
Had the situation been flipped where Asian men were marrying white women at 50% and no one wanted to date Asian women, Asian women would be the ones freaking out and calling Asian men "sellouts." Hell, I hear comments from Asian women NOW when good Asian men are with white girls.
Kiet
· 2 years ago
I love this issue. And yes it needs to be discussed b/c it's important. It may not matter to you if you're in the majority but it might to those in the minority. There can be no change without acknowledgment. Can a relationship with an Asian women and non Asian male exist due to love--absolutely. Can it be for other reasons--Yes. Haters get ready... The problem is that the first circumstance is defended a lot more and the latter is usually defended only by Asian men. Can a relationship be formed b/c they happened to be attracted to each other not due to racial/stereotyped preference? Yes of course. But when you argue that it occurs for other reasons as well then you are labeled as racist, you know "Angry Asian guy". You can complain about the gripes that some of the Asian men have are unfounded and I agree but there are some things that cannot be denied. These grievances didn't just happen yesterday, nor were they created in a vacuum. You can call me a racist too or I could just be someone who knows what he is talking about.
Ron
· 2 years ago
What *are* you talking about and just what is your point?
My main gripe is that people keep talking about this in the Asian American community but no one has done anything or at least started some type of meaningful discourse on the subject. We deal with it like how America deals with racism; first we have some outrage, then it dies down and gets swept under the rug only to be revived when the next incident comes up.
Truly "live and don't learn."
Kiet
· 2 years ago
Ron I understand and agree with what you are saying. There isn't enough discourse. I should have posted this earlier to clarify my half ass statement. My main point is that there can be no change without acknowledgment. I don't think that non Asians who date Asian women are all asiaphiles. We can't prove that. But there are men who date them for those reasons, and that has to be acknowledged a lot more. When I speak with my Asian girlfriends who date in particular white American men about this they get all pissy and cry racist. I merely wanted to tell them, as in this point, that they may very well have began a relationship based on mutual attraction, but there are men out there who only want them b/c they are Asian. That's when the "you're just jealous" thing comes in. There's a big difference when my non Asian friends say "wow she is hot", and wow that Asian chick is hot". I'm sorry man I should have knocked the cow webs out;my statement was kinds...huh. In regards to discourse I think it will take a lot to have people realize that this is happening. Historical treatment of Asian Americans and their assigned place in social strata makes it difficult to tackle these issues. If AA community complains, then people say," what are you crying about, you guys got it good." Non Asians just say, quiet down, lets talk about "real racism" or real problems. Scholars like Darrell Hamamoto, Henry Wu, Sara S. Lee Pd.d, and Elaine Kim, Ph.D have written and commented about it, but none seem to listen. I think this explains things. Whenever I check out books that they have written or research articles, its usually only me or other AA men who have done the same. Nobody else seems to care.
Kiet
· 2 years ago
oops I meant: I’m sorry man I should have knocked the cow webs out;my statement was kinda…huh?
Confuse_Us
· 2 years ago
The Never Ending Topic.
Ron
· 2 years ago
The reason why it's the "never ending topic" is because Asian American men and women refuse to come together to talk about the issue. We can't even say that this topic is actually a debate because a debate involves insightful comments and views.
Either talk about and fix the problem or issue or shut the hell up. This goes for both sides.
Jesus, I used to think that racism was the sole cause of non-Asians but the more I see the "community" (I don't believe Asians have a community. A community entails actual concern about Asian American issues) in action, the more I see that a lot of the problems we face is caused by us.
Learn to accept a little responsibility for your actions. .
Ron
· 2 years ago
I would like to point out that when African Americans fought for civil rights, they weren't divided along gender lines and ethnic lines. You were either black or you weren't.
In the Asian American example, how can we fight or reduce non-Asian oppression when there exists a huge gender and ethnic conflict?
Oh, that's right!
YOU CAN'T.
Confuse_Us
· 2 years ago
See.
Kiet
· 2 years ago
I see your point. But again it takes acknowledgment before there can be change. I think men are more than willing to talk/complain about it. It happened on my campus back in the day. The problem was that our cohorts were oblivious to the issue and didn't seem to think that there was a even a problem. You see they couldn't even admitt the disparity existed or that it could even be predicated on reasons that weren't exacatly based on mutal love. Good point about the gender and ethnic conflicts that exist. I think it says a lot about AA identity and how non Asians view us. In the US you could be 4th generation Dutch but still be a white American. A fourth generation Laotian for example will still be thought of by many Asians and non Asians as more Asian than Asian American. Many choose to identifty themselves by race, others by ethnic heritage. Where do multiracial persons fit in? Mia Tuan wrote a book called:Forever Foreigners or Honorary Whites?: The Asian Ethnic Experience. Whether someone may like it or not they are defined in some aspects by their race and how they are the "other". In life, race, gender, social status, and someone's religion will all intersect at one point in their life and will serve as a means to how they will be defined by someone else.
Jack
· 2 years ago
Can settle this once and for all. Just watch this video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBeuBwH8_Bo A "Sex in the City" like documentary of Chinese dating in China. "It's not that the person should be good looking or anything...you just need to get by together and make ends meet together." Asians are used to dating for their family, in essence their families marry, not two individuals. Therefore, money matters far more, and white men are associated with money. White girls date for themselves and not for their family.
Joe
· 2 years ago
this whole conversation is so pathetic!
yes, there are plenty of white women that go for Asian men!
Go to France! or South America! =)
DeAngelo
· 2 years ago
This is such ignorant BS, it blows me away how ignorant some people are, including Asians!! First of all the American media dominated by white men has a huge impact on how people think. I would say that the American media is probably the single most powerful entity on planet earth. Why?? Simply because they have the ability to influence how people think with all the bullshit they show on TV, Movies, Magazines and Ads. When our minds are exposed to something over and over again, we become socialized into accepting the Bull Shit they push. And just think about the blatantly racist stereotypes we see the American media throw on Asian men!! Always portraying asian men and weak, nerdy figures who talk in a very submissive weak manner with accents!! Why did guys like William Hung get so much play in the media? And just think how that played into peoples minds who may not have had any interactions with an Asian man prior to what they saw. And if you see these negative stereotypes over and over again in movies, tv, ads etc............trust me, it would influence even the most unbiased of minds!!! Next time you watch a movie or a commercial, see what type of image you see and how the asian man is portrayed in some small bit role that these racist bastard producers and directors might actually hire an Asian man for. Why don't we see ASian men casted as a masculine, positive character who can hold his own in any motion picture. I'm not asking these damn white male directors and producers to hire asian man as the main character but when you do use an asian in some small role, why do these assholes always cast them in such a negative stereotypical roles??? And it's these images that we see over and over again in movies and ads that plays on the mind and subconscioulsy affect how people view Asian men!!! More often than not, I can guarantee you, if you do see an Asian man, it will be as a weak, no speak engRish nerd or as some liquor store owner or some evil military general. If I was to constantly and consistently depict white men as beer guzzlin,pasty & hairy skinned, balding, pot bellied, child molesters and just predominantly show them in these roles, what type of image do you think the rest of Asia would have of white men? A great philosopher once said, "give a child at an early age and i can socialize into accepting or believing in almost anything by the things i show him and images he sees, whether it be true or totally false!" You guys get it!?!?!?!?
dangt
· 3 months ago
DeAngelo hit it right on the spot! Media plays a HUGE part in this subject of why do asian girls go for white guys.
DeAngelo
· 2 years ago
n mr thng. Wht s wth ll ths stpd ss sn gys n Ytb sllng t nd ntrvwng gly sn grls wh my nt hv prfrnc fr sn gys? nd skng thm dmb qstns lk ths? s t bcs thy knw t wll gt thm sm ttntn nd thy d ths t th xpns f mkng sn gys lk bd? ls ths typs f ntrvws r s rtrdd nd hv n mrt. f ntrvwd svrl grls wh knw dn't lk dtng wht gys nd gv ll th rsns, dn't y thnk wld b bl t d tht? Why dsn't ths dt wh flmd ths, ntrvw svrl ht sn grls knw nd sk thm wht thy thnk f sn gys nd cn grnt y, y'll gt n ntrly dffrnt nswr thn frm wht ths nsty lkn grls n ths y tb vd!! spclly tht ft nsty crly hr n. Wh sys sh dsn't prfr sns (nd thts fn) bt wht sn dd n hs rght mnd wld sk hr gly ss t??? Myb thts why sh trnd t wht bys, bcs lt f ths wht gys sm t flck t whtvr sn, wth thr yllw fvr!! Bt gn, mst f th ht sn grls knw r dtng sn gys!!! LL........wht jk ths whl thng s!!!
Brian
· 1 year ago
I think the reason why so many asian amerian girls date white guys is not because they're better than asian guys or anything, but the fact that america is a white people country, and usually, the asian melts into the white world and then leads to dating white. This is also the same to asian guys... asian guys in america tends to date whites than asians... and this also goes to white girls in an asia country (like Japan). The white girls tends to date asian guys.
Amy
· 1 year ago
I am a white girl that has been dating an asian guy for the last year. We really liked each other, except I had't met his parents....kinda odd you see because I am a very attractive, NICE girl, no tatoos, freaky hair, etc. I am the kind of girl EVERY guy wants to bring home to his parents if you know what I mean. This asian guy I've been dating, (I'm not dating him as of a few days ago) I found out, is actually racist of white people, to be honest, he doesn't like any race except for his own.During our relationship he would make stereotypical comments about every race including mine. What I don't understand is, if he didn't like white people, why did he date me? Race doesn't matter to me, I fell for the guy, asian, kinda dorky, but sexy as hell to me.....I have never preferred asians, honestly never even thought about it, but that doesn't mean it wasn't an option obviously. I don't think that asian guys are dorky, at least not all of them. He told me he was going to go to an ALL ASIAN new years party. hint* hint* "you're white so you can't go" I was his girlfriend, brought him around all of my friends and family, and he decides to go to an all asian party therefore intentionally excluding me from his night. As far as I'm concerned, if he wants to be with some flat-asses asian chick over me then that is fine, but I don't want to hear all this POOR ASIAN MEN bullshit!!! Asian men have a preference for staying in their own race. Asian men have no reason to feel sorry for themselves in a white man's world because they are the only ones stopping them from being a part of it. This is America, and if you don't like diversity, then go somewhere else. What is the point of being in America if you want to only be around your own race? That is boring to me. I like to learn new things and meet new people. I would think it would eventually get boring talking about how my mom makes mashed potatoes compared to my white neighbor's mom's mashed potatoes. Why do asians only want to be amongst each other? No race is superior to another. I do believe that each race has its strengths and weaknesses, but there is by far no superior race. So, Asian men and women, quit surrounding yourselves with each other and explore what else it out there. What is this APEX crap all about anyway? (Asian Professional Exchange) White people accept you in America, there is no excuse for that racist group. I call it a racist group because imagine if there was something called "White Professionals Stick Together," The news would be ALL over that wouldn't they? What makes Asians any different since this is America?
dangt
· 3 months ago
Amy, realistically speaking you're bitter about this breakup. Truth is, your ex bf was a jackass. I'm an Asian male and I love girls of all color.
Troy
· 1 year ago
Actually, for those of you who believe the asian/white thing is due to white guys being more assertive/funny in the courtship phase, I'd say you guys are wrong. There are plenty of black and hispanic guys who are smooth, funny, and romantic and try to date asian girls, but they get routinely shot down or ignored by those asian girls. Also, you ever check out personal ads? I did, when I was single. As a black guy who was once interested in asian girls, I found that 95% of asian females on any given personal ads site preferred only white males, or whites and asian males. More than a few preferred whites/asians/hispanics, but not black. Boy was I enlightened. Asian guys can complain all they want about striking out with asian girls, but we black guys are not even aloud on the playing field.
In my opinion, asian women are attracted to white males only due to the authority and prestige they've enjoyed in this country since the beginning, which correlates into a subconscious mindset of white males being the "alpha male" in the American society. Asian males lose out because they tend to be betrayed as evil, conquered, stingy, boring, and effeminate. Black males lose out because they are portrayed as being rude, unintelligent, beligerent, lazy, and ugly. Hispanics lose out because they are protrayed as being foreign, womanizing, unintelligent, criminal, and lower-class.
Now, I won't go as far as to say this is all due to a predominance of a white-supremist mindset amongst asian females. I will say that it really does seem that asian women feel (and totally unqualified) that white males are beholden of characteristics that males of other groups do not, or cannot possess.
I found the shot at the end of the video clip amusing; no way a white guy will lose an asian girl to black guy.
joe
· 1 year ago
hi ok i cant take it anymore. i am white and i hate hearing all this about white and asian. my mexican gf puts me in my place when im wrong and i need that. something my asian gf never did. if you guys keep limiting yourself to one race then you r doomed to never find true love. to all the real men out there, look for a great book, not a good cover.
chris
· 1 year ago
rice kings lol
kenny
· 1 year ago
m Brc l th mstr ............w..............w.........chng chng ......y!!! Wtch my kng f t s fr grtr thn yr rn plm.y w... ngh sd g gt lf. Wh rlly gvs sht nywy.. Stpd tpc mv n..
me
· 1 year ago
I am an asian women growing up in asian and came to the states when I am older. at first, I was attracted to white men, cuz they are tall and handsome and polite and confident. but I never felt really close to anyone, and never worked out. so after a couple of yrs, I met an asian guy ( he grew up in america), who is very successful and supernice. I thought that was it, this is my love for life. we were very happy together for .... about a few weeks... then we had a little problem, it wasn't a big deal at all. BUT, somehow, we broke up !!!! it was heartbreaking, and it took me a long time to figure out how that happened... He is a NERD, although he is supersmart, intelligent, and very nice, loyal etc, etc, but he doesn't know how to deal with women, how to resolve conflicts in a relationship. whenever I thought of him now, the only word I can think of is -- idiot. I really have nothing else to say. I hate him just as much as I love him, still it is a very complicated feeling for him.
this is what confused me, the asian men in asia are not nerdy, shy, or weak at all. they are confident, some are aggressive, articulate, and they will ask a girl out if he likes you, and he won't take a no as an answer if he really likes you. so what happened when they grow up in the states? is it because they are intimidated by the white guys around them ? or is that because they are minority here, while in asia, that is their country? or is it because they still carry the value of their parents' generation about the self-image, while in asia, over the half centry, things have changed so much, and asian people feel much more confident in front of the world ?
once I thought to marry an nice asian-american man is my ideal choice, but now I doubt it. maybe one day I will end up marrying a white guy, just like many asian girls around me, it is not really my choice, i don't have a choice now.
me
· 1 year ago
I think the ultimate solution would be interracial marriage, so at the end, there will be no racial difference, all kids are multiracial and no difference any more.
jennifer
· 1 year ago
Ths s t my,
sn grls hv mr ss thn wht grls nd thy r nt lkly t b ftsss lk wht grls...
Dn't gt md bc y wsn't gd ngh t b hngng rnd hs frnds.
uRB4N
· 1 year ago
I really dislike it when someone says "they have no choice." We live in a democratic country so unless someone is sticking a gun to your head, you always have a choice. That statement just reeks of weakness and lack of control of one's life and it should be disdained, not tolerated.
Also, a idea of a planet without race is unrealistic and childish. It's an attempt at a seemingly simple answer to remove racial problems.
future teller
· 1 year ago
m sn mrcn gy hpply mrrd t n sn wmn fr 12 yrs w hv 2 bys nd 1 dghtr. t hs nthng t d wth wht mn bng mr ggrssv r whtvr. hv mt mny wht gys wh cn nt gt dt vn f thr lf dpndd n t. Th rsn fr th wht gy nd sn grl dl n mrc. mrcn brn sn grl r wht wshd !!!! Whch mns ll thy s n schl, tv nd mvs r ny thr sht n mrc, prsnts th wht gy n pstv wy. thnk t's bcs ll th drctr r wht gys. Py ttntn t th crdts !! nd ll thr mnrts ncldng sn mns n ngtv nd dgrtng wy. lwys th bd gy r th dt f th shw. Bt wht mks vn nr fckd p s sm mrcn brn sn grls dn't rlzs t ????? m nt syng ll bt sm r fckd p n th mnd (wht wshd). T ll th sn wmn t thr, vry sn gy whthr mrcn brn r brn brd hv flng nd r snstv t. Cn b rmntc nd wll b grt hsbnds nd wld b grt rl mdls fr ll chldrn. sn wmn wk p !!!!!
I always thought I had a preference for Asian guys because of their cool style, seemed more goal oriented, and had the same culture/ respect for certain things as me (chinese american)- somebody who could understand my extended family (in Taiwan/HongKong) but I usually attracted American guys... Later on it was at one point where there was a Korean, Chinese, and American boy who liked me at the same time-they were all my friends. The Korean boy was too feminine for my taste, a little too much of a "mommy's boy", not very mature with understanding my feelings or dealing with girls and I just did not find him attractive. At first I was so excited bout the American boy, he was hilarious and confident- but I was afraid our conversations couldn't last that long. And then the Chinese boy was so polite-so thoughtful-and quite deep, that I really favored him. Then suddenly my good friend- who happened to be half japanese-half american suddenly asked me out. I would have preferred the Chinese boy due to cultural similarities.according to my Taiwanese friend, I act american and think chinese, if that makes sense... I wouldn't have been able to communicate with him on a very deep basis since he just came from china, and my chinese is only good enough to get me by. The japanese-american is more American with 100% understanding of Asian culture due to he has visited his dad in Japan several times and gone to Korean when he was young. IT's a perfect match since we get the best of both worlds. I wanted to marry a person who was fluent in chinese, my boyfriend is actually learning chiense and we can communicate basic things, so it's not bad either. However, i didn't pick the boy i wanted to be in a relationship due to race- if the American guy asked me out earlier- despite doubts about how long we could have hold a conversation, I definitely would have given him a chance. Maybe the Korean boy too- but he liked me for three years, never asked me out, and is pretty awkward and isn't as nice as he tries to come off as. While I have an "ideal" guy and race is often included it definitely isn't a deciding factor. It's whoever i have chemistry with+the guts to ask me out+share interests/hold conversation with+good morals+has their own passion in life+independent...if u have a great/matching sense of humour-the better (ahh that sounds cliche..). Anyways, the qualities just mentioned are not prevalent among just a certain race. Though due to experience with a handful of Korean-American guys (who are very traditional Korean) I tend to shy away from that area because they seem extra emotional and very drama-finding... (this is just my personal experience and doesn't affect my views on other Korean guys, but thanks to them, i've learned to be wary!)
Just to add, I have two Caucasian girlfriends who are crazy about Asians due to Asian dramas.~ and I think when a people are arguing about white girls and asian guys, "asian guys" should be differentiated with "just from their own country"(more easily called fobs) vs. "Asian-American", because I tend to find that f.o.b.s (not meant in a degrading way) tend to want to stick to their own kind, and looking for a quiet traditional chinese girl (at least from the comments of these guys from my college !). My friend (Caucasian female) was dating a Chinese guy (considered fresh off the boat) and was insulted many times for dating a Caucasian females, many times saying that he just wanted to improve his English or that he was betraying his kind! This kind of came as a shock to me...
justathought777
· 3 months ago
I am a Asian male and I think that it is a great thing that Asian women are going for white. This is how I see it, since Asian male will go and have kids with Asian female (not always but most likely) and there are statistically more Asian women in the world than Asian men. The odds for a asian male findng their true asian is highly possible. Now if Asian women have kids with white male, this will kinda dilute the caucasian ethnicity. Since nearly half of the world's population is Asian, eventually I say about 10 generations, most people on earth will have an Asian history or ethnicity. I guess this will bring us together since we share a common bond. Too bad I won't live that long to see the days where all people on earth have tight eyes. Haha...
All Comments
Why do so many white guys have Asian fetishes??
http://niniane.blogspot.com/2007/08/why-do-so-m...
Obviously inter-racial couples stand out more. A friend of mine, whom I assumed only wound up going out with white guys, said she always wanted to *marry* an Asian, and she did. A wedding I attended over the weekend, my friend dated white guys but wanted and did marry a Korean-American (she's Korean).
I'd say I know more Asian women dating or married to white men, than vice versa. But that is a small sample. I think generally, most (i.e. more than 50%) Asian woman wind up marrying Asian guys.
I was talking to a friend about it a couple of weeks ago who is currently in a long-term relationship with a really sweet white guy. She said that where she grew up there weren't very many Asian guys around her and the ones that were, were 'mama's boys' - meaning that her decision to not go out with them, was because dealing with their mothers would be a nightmare.
In all honesty, and from the clip - I don't think the girls are actually GOING after anything. I mean, the typical girl (regardless of ethnicity) actually waits for the guy to ask her out.
I grew up not knowing my half siblings and my aunts would constantly tease me about "what if you grow up and fall in love with your own brother!" That will mind fuck anyone of any race if you ask me. So, yes it is really messed up, but also just a reminder not to assume that everyone in an interracial relationship is in one for the same reason (I most often hear fetish for the guy, self-loathing for the girl). Sometimes it's just a personal circumstance like, I associate that person with incest (again, can I stress how my aunts did damage?) so not so much attracted to that. Sometimes its just the funny. For me one led me to the other and I am confident in that. Then again, I live in SoCal where it's no big deal.
Results?
70% of my Asian American female friends are dating White guys. Not even just "non-Asian" generally, but "White."
70%. That's insane.
Although honestly, I think Xxxtine hit it on the nose when she said:
"In all honesty, and from the clip - I don’t think the girls are actually GOING after anything. I mean, the typical girl (regardless of ethnicity) actually waits for the guy to ask her out."
Too true. I suspect this phenomenon of Asian girls with white guys has more to do with societal behaviors than ethnicity & race. Meaning: Guys who are more assertive and actually ask girls out are the ones who typically end up dating them.
And I think (someone jump in and correct me if I'm wrong) that the US culture tends to value assertiveness (some may argue aggressiveness) moreso than traditional Asian cultures, within the realms of dating, relatively-speaking. This may have to do with Asian cultures having societal norms such as arranged marriages only a century ago. (My grandparents were in an arranged marriage, for instance).
Hmm. One could do a whole research paper on this assertion. Or I could be totally off my rocker. What do you think?
ethnicity is. I've dated woman of color when I was young and all we thought of was each
other and the hell with society. My wife has been gone for 13 yrs. she was white , I'm white but if I'm lucky to find another love I won't care what her ethnicity is. We all want
the same qualities in our love one ,strong, knowlegeable, kind, sweet,pretty in her own ways. And if she can find it in heart to love me the way I'll love her than that will bring joy to both and isn"t that what were all looking for. Sometimes it"s best that we stick with our own kind "what ever that is"but we must stay true to our hearts .Thanks from and old guy.
I do like 8asians .com
Where I grew up, went to college, and lived afterwards (East Coast throughout), there weren't many Asians, period. It was only within the last couple of years before I got married that I thought it might be good to date guys who were Japanese-American, but within the Asian population of where I live, there are not many available guys of that culture at all, and I was not willing to move to find them.
It's always been a good experience for me to meet Japanese-Americans who come from a background similar to mine-- the shared understanding creates some camaraderie. But despite our cultural differences, my husband and I have a lot of things in common, and those differences serve to be good points to learn more about each other and our families.
(2) generation y, by and large, doesn't care about race.
so statistically, any girl is just more likely to bump into a white guy. and before anyone says that this doesn't apply for white girls / minority guys, go to the south or the midwest.
Why do we see so many asian girl/white guy couples? first, our social circles inevitably are racially diverse. More white guys take the chance to ask out asian girls. some asian girls accept them, other asian girls reject them. that same asian girl in an interracial relationship may or may not have dated an asian guy if an asian guy took the chance to ask her out before the white guy did.
It's fate/chance/ or whatever you want to call it.
While race might not have everything to do with it, to believe it doesn't factor into the situation is shortsighted. And what is with this excuse that "where I lived, there were no Asian guys?" Are Asian parents who have daughters saying to themselves "Hey, we just had an Asian daughter, let's move to an all-white area so we can subtly affect her dating choices!"
The fact of the matter of why this coupling exists is because Asian women don't need Asian men because white men are more than happy to date them. Black and Latin women are less appealing due to racism and colorism. If white men ever lose interest, you'd see Asian women flock back to Asian men screaming "Yay! We always had your back! Go Asian men!"
This is not even mentioning Asian women with "white fetish" or Asian women that just want to get their screw on with a white guy and "use" Asian men when they want to marry or have a family. It's sick and it should be insulting to every Asian man out there.
Don't even get me stated on the stupid liberial phrase "colorblind."
1.) White men are more than willing to date Asian women. Many havef fetishes. Yes, shut the hell up. You know there are many of them out there. I don't want to hear all this crap of "Oh, don't stereotype."
2.) More white men than Asian men which means laws of numbers apply.
3.) Asian women don't have a preference for Asian men over white men. This is the only demographic recorded in a survey recently given by Columbia University. Other women, including white women, stated they wouldn't rule out interracial dating and marriage but preferred their own first.
The only question is: Why don't Asian women have a preference for their own? This might contribute to the reason why Asian women are frequently called "sellouts." Could this no-preference be the reason?
Actually my parents did take that into consideration. My parents ended up telling me that they resigned themselves to the fact that in all likelihood, I wouldn't be marrying a Japanese guy because there weren't any in the area where I lived, and that they would be fine with that. However, they wanted me to *only* date white men, and no Blacks, Chinese, Vietnamese.... True story.
Did my parents' wishes affect my dating patterns? Not really. It wasn't like race was a deciding factor on whom to date. Ultimately, and I'll say this again, it's the individual traits-- is the guy friendly and considerate? Is he nice to talk to? Do we share common interests and philosophies?-- that I had looked for.
According to Darrell Hamamoto, professor of Asian American studies at UC Davis, says it best:
“When you have Asian American women [who are] ignorant of that history and that the desire from these people goes back to the colonization of Asian countries, the media portrayal of Asian women, and Asian American women being socialized into the white supremacist world of media, it makes perfect sense. Underlying it all is a form of racist love, not an equality.
These Asian American women get hit on or propositioned by white men, but they don’t realize what lies beneath; that they’re coming onto you as a prostitute or massage woman, because that’s what they see, first and foremost, regardless of educational level. Conversely, an Asian American woman in white supremacist America will value anything white. I won’t say it’s instinctual, but almost at the preconscious level."
Reference: http://www.audreymagazine.com/Sep2005/Features0...
In United States media, Asian men are stereotyped as nerdy, weak, asexual or just martial arts master. And, Asian women are stereotyped as submissive, dragon lady, sex china doll. You can see all the time in Hollywood movies of White men/Asian women couples, however, rarely you see Asian men/White women couples.
But interracial dating affects different groups differently. It represents greater opportunity for some people, while representing a threat to others (black women, Asian men). Asian women and white men are probably annoyed with whatever flack they get regarding their relationships, but I think that it is unreasonable for anybody to expect Asian men to be totally comfortable with the gender imbalance of interracial dating/marriage and with Asian women that consciously reject Asian men on the grounds of their race. In fact, I suspect that this group was created in part to provoke Asian men.
A lot of Asian women only want white men, and a lot of white men only want Asian women. I am not saying that when these people form a couple, they cannot be in love, but they are really close minded for thinking so little of Asian men. (I suppose white women might also feel put off, but there are a lot more of them so they can absorb the blow. And they probably can get Asian boyfriends but choose not to.)
NOT EVERY interracial relationship is based on racial privilege or closed-mindedness, but many are. It is like a company that only hires white people. The white employees probably are qualified and very good at their jobs. But the problem is that the company is racist for not considering minorities. Things might be great for the company (or couple), but they are really unfair to the people that they categorically reject. And if you are apathetic about the feelings of men that are rejected, they are not the only people affected.
I suspect that a lot of white men get a kick out of thinking that Asian men are angry that even Asian women think that white men are superior. Unfortunately, many Asian women are willing to add insult to injury by agreeing. And anybody that is offended by it is called "racist." It's clear to me a lot of interracial relationships these days are based with a shared degrading of Asian males. Whites get a kick out of thinking they're better than Asian males, and Asian women seem willing to say anything, including demean Asian men, in order to fuel the ego of their White trophy. IR relationships are okay, but not when they are based out of self hate, inferiority complex, and White worship (and conversely Asian fetish).
Recently, my cousin told me a story where he was taking part in a sociology experiment at Princeton University which helped explain why people who claim colorblindness are, in fact, naive. On the desks in a 400 seat auditorium, the professor left wooden blocks that differed in size, color, shape, and texture. The room was empty when the students walked in with only a message left on the board.
"Group yourselves together using the blocks. I'll be in shortly."
After a chaotic 20 minutes, the professor walked in and noticed that each student picked up their blocks. Not surprised, the professor noticed that all the students grouped up based on the color of the blocks without being told how they should be grouped. He has repeated this experiment for the past 18 semesters and every single time, the students grouped themselves up by color.
I understand this pie-in-the-sky dream of being completely colorblind but it's a fool's errand to believe everyone will play by the same rules. It's not practiced in daily life; especially it's most vocal proponents, whites, especially white men. The only reason non-Asian men aren't complaining is because the same situation isn't happening to them. What would happen if every other white woman was with a minority? Or every black woman was with a white man? I can pretty much guarantee black and white men would be burning cities down. Learn to see things from a different perspective.
Additionally, there is the issue that Asian men, who are already emasculated in North American society, are even further emasculated by Asian women dating out because it pushes the image that Asian men just can't compare to white men. Had Asian men been portrayed as fairly as the next man and weren’t severely emasculated in popular culture, you wouldn’t hear many complaints.
In contrast, the same situation wouldn't happen to black men if black women dated outside their race because black men aren't emasculated in North American society.
Not everything is comparable and there are gray zones and unique situations.
In conclusion, it sounds good to be colorblind, gender blind, and religion blind. However, there is a word in there that is troublesome; the word is "blind." It means you can't see. I'd rather see everything and make my judgments based on all available information.
Colorblindness also prohibits one from understanding the problems that stem from race and I hate solutions to complex problems. The only people that preach colorblindness are whites and ignorant or whitewashed minorities.
Due to the social combinations of 1.) the emasculated Asian male and 2.) the huge outmarriage and outdating of Asian women, it is impossible for Asian women to stand up for Asian while dating white men. Absolutely impossible. The unique combination dictates this.
If #1 or #2 didn't exist, the situation wouldn't be a concern at all but since *both* exist, it's impossible for Asian women to stand up for Asian men while dating Asian men. As much as people wish to hide behind political correctness, it's the truth and the truth hurts. The Asian American community has been torn by this issue for the longest time and whatever the hell it's doing isn't working.
How about some fresh tactics or would we like to keep ramming our heads into a wall? I used to believe Asian Americans were generally smart and tight knit as a community but I've come to the conclusion that we're even more idiotic and divided than other communities.
If #1 or #2 didn’t exist, the situation wouldn’t be a concern at all but since *both* exist, it’s impossible for Asian women to stand up for Asian men while dating WHITE men. As much as people wish to hide behind political correctness, it’s the truth and the truth hurts. The Asian American community has been torn by this issue for the longest time and whatever the hell it’s doing isn’t working.
- Some Asians are too embarrassed to be in crowd with Asians, saying "too much Asians".
- Why are there Ads and commercials featuring White models in Asian countries? While you never see Asian male model in any ads and commercials in U.S.
- Why is anime or cartoon characters heroes are almost always White individual?
- Why is it that Asian women ,among other races such as Latinos, Indians, Blacks, are most likely to marry outside their own race?
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This is a summary of an interesting study conducted in 2005 that analyzes data from online dating websites.
Blog:
http://pithiness.blogspot.com/2006/12/freakonom...
Article:
http://www.aeaweb.org/annual_mtg_papers/2006/01...
Some excerpts from the blog:
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"In order to receive as many replies as the average white man, a hispanic man would need $77,000 more income per year, a black man $154,000, and an asian man would need $247,000 to be on a par with the average white man."
...
"White men did also tend to be at a disadvantage for dating minority women. A white man needed to make $220,000 more per year to be on a par with black men in dating black women, and $59,000 more per year to be on a par with hispanic men in dating hispanic women. When it came to asian women though, they needed $-24,000 to be on a par with asian men."
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What I also found noteworthy were the statistics on the percentages of each ethnicity that chose "same" as their preference for ethnicity, as opposed to "no preference". Over 75% of all Asians and Hispanics, male and female, stated that they had no preference for any ethnicity. The same applies to white and black males. The only exceptions were black females, who were just slightly under 75% for "no preference", and white females, 50% of whom stated that they preferred white men.
How messed up is this...?
Moo emoosculate moo. Whoriental! MOOMOOMOO!!!!
Moo moo fuckin' moo moo moo moo moo. Moo Moo momomomomoooo. Moo x 1,000,000.
Etc.
(Rinse. Lather. Repeat.)
Glad you agree.
Perhaps this has more to do with American society/culture then simply race.
49% of Torontonians were born outside Toronto. The second most spoken language in Toronto is Cantonese next to English.
Just as a note, many asian people here adopt alot of Japanese street fashions. An asian girl into the VK J-rock look usually tends to be more attracted to a guy who can pull of this look, which is usually an asian guy. Also, one of my friends is asian and does adopt that fashion style, he's dating a white girl.
Oh and btw I am white if its relevent at all.
I'm single and I like girls in general.
I just finished reading everyone's comments, and the way I see it...most of the interracial couples I see around my area are young couples. Generally speaking, interracial marriages don't last forever, and after the asian girl gets hurt by the white guy, most come to their senses and comes back to asian society like they should. Of course some may be stupid enough to continue dating white guys and get hurt over and over again....and then finally come to their senses, but that's the conclusion....after getting hurt one two three...etc times most girls finally learn their lessons.
I happened to not be seeking the same, and the asian girls were about different things than I was. They were not as down-to-earth as the white girls. Not like I didn't try to date them either. They just didn't want anything to do with you since 1) popular people in school weren't asian and 2) jock squad wasn't asian.
This doesn't mean that there were not asian couples, but truthfully.... I really didn't want to spend the rest of my life paying for some asian girl's bag fetish (I knew of some girls in college that spent more in shopping than my starting salary back in the day).
Is that wrong of me? Not really. Is it unique? Sure. But I've written about it before and there have been asian guys that feel the same way. Thus, there has to be some truth in the matter.
And just fyi... I'm not short. lol. Taller than most guys in fact. It just depends on situation when it comes to what you want out of a relationship, and how many asian women react to those wants. Akrypti can attest that I'm not that bad of a guy. lol.
*sigh*
that's the downside of google reader i guess. it just won't let things scroll off...
Some of the more recent comments, I suspect, are coming from people who didn't see this entry when it was first published, and are coming here via search engines and other blogs. So to a great deal of people, this entry is new to them.
And, as we all know, dating & relationships is -always- a favorite topic. heheh. ;-)
The #1 post is a blog entry where Min Jung blogged about a hentai video game torrent. Hilarity ensues.
I don't blame asian guys for hating them too. If an asian guy loves a white girl, I think that's great for them, but I'd be pissed too if they just wanted them because of some commercialized fetish.
I'm 'East Asian' British (here 'Asian' refers to those from Indian, Pakistan, Bangladesh and others within that region). My other half is 'white' Dutch (we say 'white' and hardly ever 'Caucasian'). I was attracted to him because of his European accent and outlook (note: it's very different from the 'average' white 'British' man's). I would go as far as to say, I could count on my fingers on one hand the no. of white British men I've fancied, and on the other hand the no. of East Asian men (be they British in nationality of not). Have I got a 'fetish'? Hell yes, having done a lot of travelling by myself, when I met my OH at the grand age of already 30, his accent stood out apart from his looks, but best of all his outlook. I'm not the easiest person to get on with (regardless of the individual partner's race), so I was as 'anally retentive' at fixing my personal life as I was with my work and social life, and it's paid off. He'd had similar life experiences (due to a combo of things from education, travelling, sports, habits, and partly, family socio-economics).
My brother, on the other hand, was 'tenaciously' set on finding that (East) Asian bride. And he did, in Hong Kong. I cannot explain why he has more specific preference than I did when looking for a partner and he pointed out that I was a lot pickier than he was (in terms of personal qualities - because, as I said, I'm not an easy person to be with), but he was simply specific about the 'race' of his choice. And he had no reasons for it, because our parents didn't put more pressure on him to 'get the (E)Asian girl' which is actually not uncommon in this country and can explain a little of the gender imbalance in 'dating out' among Asians (it's more important for sons to 'marry in' - anything to do with sons 'passing on the family name'?????).
I don't contest that all of our ('Asian') culture, subjective 'looks' preference (face it, who don't care what their potential other-half may look like?), money (yes it does matter to varying extents for many people, whether or not they know it) and even those 'fetishes' (perpetrated by certain individuals on both sides) could play a part in some romances. But the effects may well be on a very unconscious level (e.g., my brother just couldn't explain why he had to have an Asian OH even without at least overt family pressures). If a couple's relationship would be based on less-than-genuine reasons, it should work for as long as the relationship serves its purposes for both parties but then it could still work for a long time! Why? Because ours isn't a simplistic world, where everybody will only be satisfied by 'true love' (some can settle for less), or 'simply' satisfied by it that absolutely nothing else about their partner (like income, looks) matters.
It's hard enough to find and stay with someone who's compatible with you. If I had to look out for something like 'race' and be mindful about what people might think of me for what glimpses they can catch of my personal life, that's no way to live.
I can somewhat comprehend why you would think he has difficulty dating women. It seems to me that you just want to date them yourself but have no luck in it whatsoever. Take heart, though, dear Oyin. Mouth shut, eyes open, and learn from Master Lee.
Hip Hop wrote:
Hello everyone,
I just finished reading everyone’s comments, and the way I see it…most of the interracial couples I see around my area are young couples. Generally speaking, interracial marriages don’t last forever, and after the asian girl gets hurt by the white guy, most come to their senses and comes back to asian society like they should. Of course some may be stupid enough to continue dating white guys and get hurt over and over again….and then finally come to their senses, but that’s the conclusion….after getting hurt one two three…etc times most girls finally learn their lessons.
Posted on 31-Oct-07 at 12:41 pm | Permalink
"
The thing is, most asian guys don't like sloppy seconds.
My dear man, you make it sound so good to be used. At least, it sure seems that way. Let me get this straight, you're willing to accept the fact that Asian women are merely just screwing around with white men and then, when it's time to settle down and start a family, they'll come back to the Asian side? You know, when Asian men have spent the majority of their time in school and building careers for themselves?
Frankly, I find that more insulting that Asian women that refuse to date Asian men in the first place.
The Asian man, always a sucker. Always will be.
Black women are already freaking out that 9% of all black men are married to white women. Can you imagine what would happen if 50% of all black men were married to white women? We'd have mass rioting and shootings in the streets.
Or, on the flip side, if 50% of Asian men were married to white women, do you really think that white men and Asian women would be as sedated as they claim? See, it's not the excuses that bother me; it's the arrogance of Asian women when talking about this subject.
Had the situation been flipped where Asian men were marrying white women at 50% and no one wanted to date Asian women, Asian women would be the ones freaking out and calling Asian men "sellouts." Hell, I hear comments from Asian women NOW when good Asian men are with white girls.
Haters get ready...
The problem is that the first circumstance is defended a lot more and the latter is usually defended only by Asian men. Can a relationship be formed b/c they happened to be attracted to each other not due to racial/stereotyped preference? Yes of course. But when you argue that it occurs for other reasons as well then you are labeled as racist, you know "Angry Asian guy".
You can complain about the gripes that some of the Asian men have are unfounded and I agree but there are some things that cannot be denied. These grievances didn't just happen yesterday, nor were they created in a vacuum. You can call me a racist too or I could just be someone who knows what he is talking about.
My main gripe is that people keep talking about this in the Asian American community but no one has done anything or at least started some type of meaningful discourse on the subject. We deal with it like how America deals with racism; first we have some outrage, then it dies down and gets swept under the rug only to be revived when the next incident comes up.
Truly "live and don't learn."
I'm sorry man I should have knocked the cow webs out;my statement was kinds...huh.
In regards to discourse I think it will take a lot to have people realize that this is happening. Historical treatment of Asian Americans and their assigned place in social strata makes it difficult to tackle these issues. If AA community complains, then people say," what are you crying about, you guys got it good." Non Asians just say, quiet down, lets talk about "real racism" or real problems.
Scholars like Darrell Hamamoto, Henry Wu, Sara S. Lee Pd.d, and Elaine Kim, Ph.D have written and commented about it, but none seem to listen. I think this explains things. Whenever I check out books that they have written or research articles, its usually only me or other AA men who have done the same. Nobody else seems to care.
Either talk about and fix the problem or issue or shut the hell up. This goes for both sides.
Jesus, I used to think that racism was the sole cause of non-Asians but the more I see the "community" (I don't believe Asians have a community. A community entails actual concern about Asian American issues) in action, the more I see that a lot of the problems we face is caused by us.
Learn to accept a little responsibility for your actions.
.
In the Asian American example, how can we fight or reduce non-Asian oppression when there exists a huge gender and ethnic conflict?
Oh, that's right!
YOU CAN'T.
yes, there are plenty of white women that go for Asian men!
Go to France! or South America! =)
In my opinion, asian women are attracted to white males only due to the authority and prestige they've enjoyed in this country since the beginning, which correlates into a subconscious mindset of white males being the "alpha male" in the American society. Asian males lose out because they tend to be betrayed as evil, conquered, stingy, boring, and effeminate. Black males lose out because they are portrayed as being rude, unintelligent, beligerent, lazy, and ugly. Hispanics lose out because they are protrayed as being foreign, womanizing, unintelligent, criminal, and lower-class.
Now, I won't go as far as to say this is all due to a predominance of a white-supremist mindset amongst asian females. I will say that it really does seem that asian women feel (and totally unqualified) that white males are beholden of characteristics that males of other groups do not, or cannot possess.
I found the shot at the end of the video clip amusing; no way a white guy will lose an asian girl to black guy.
ok i cant take it anymore. i am white and i hate hearing all this about white and asian. my mexican gf puts me in my place when im wrong and i need that. something my asian gf never did. if you guys keep limiting yourself to one race then you r doomed to never find true love. to all the real men out there, look for a great book, not a good cover.
at first, I was attracted to white men, cuz they are tall and handsome and polite and confident. but I never felt really close to anyone, and never worked out. so after a couple of yrs, I met an asian guy ( he grew up in america), who is very successful and supernice. I thought that was it, this is my love for life. we were very happy together for .... about a few weeks...
then we had a little problem, it wasn't a big deal at all. BUT, somehow, we broke up !!!!
it was heartbreaking, and it took me a long time to figure out how that happened... He is a NERD, although he is supersmart, intelligent, and very nice, loyal etc, etc, but he doesn't know how to deal with women, how to resolve conflicts in a relationship. whenever I thought of him now, the only word I can think of is -- idiot. I really have nothing else to say. I hate him just as much as I love him, still it is a very complicated feeling for him.
this is what confused me, the asian men in asia are not nerdy, shy, or weak at all. they are confident, some are aggressive, articulate, and they will ask a girl out if he likes you, and he won't take a no as an answer if he really likes you. so what happened when they grow up in the states? is it because they are intimidated by the white guys around them ? or is that because they are minority here, while in asia, that is their country? or is it because they still carry the value of their parents' generation about the self-image, while in asia, over the half centry, things have changed so much, and asian people feel much more confident in front of the world ?
once I thought to marry an nice asian-american man is my ideal choice, but now I doubt it.
maybe one day I will end up marrying a white guy, just like many asian girls around me, it is not really my choice, i don't have a choice now.
sn grls hv mr ss thn wht grls nd thy r nt lkly t b ftsss lk wht grls...
Dn't gt md bc y wsn't gd ngh t b hngng rnd hs frnds.
Also, a idea of a planet without race is unrealistic and childish. It's an attempt at a seemingly simple answer to remove racial problems.
Just to add, I have two Caucasian girlfriends who are crazy about Asians due to Asian dramas.~
and I think when a people are arguing about white girls and asian guys, "asian guys" should be differentiated with "just from their own country"(more easily called fobs) vs. "Asian-American", because I tend to find that f.o.b.s (not meant in a degrading way) tend to want to stick to their own kind, and looking for a quiet traditional chinese girl (at least from the comments of these guys from my college !). My friend (Caucasian female) was dating a Chinese guy (considered fresh off the boat) and was insulted many times for dating a Caucasian females, many times saying that he just wanted to improve his English or that he was betraying his kind! This kind of came as a shock to me...